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reddevilleanne
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
Posts: 13228
Location: Nottingham
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 10:29 am Post subject: Anyone got any football jokes? |
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| :?: |
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Mullin
Joined: 16 Aug 2004
Posts: 20062
Location: Ivybridge
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 11:31 am Post subject: |
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Heres one...
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"
:laughing7: |
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sunrize
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 111
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 12:20 pm Post subject: |
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A Man Utd scout returns from Bosnia raving about a new teenage sensation he's seen in the war torn country. Ferguson is convinced and is so keen to prevent anyone else snatching him up he signs the boy without even looking at him personally.
The boy arrives in Manchester for Saturday's game, and is on the bench. With ten minutes to go Van Nistelroy is injured and stretchered off. Ferguson points to the new lad: "This is your chance, son. Go out there and show us what you can do".
The lad strips off. In those dying minutes he's a revelation, scoring a hat trick. Prawns fly everywhere as the crowd go mad.
After the game Fergie gives the new boy a big hug in the changing room. "Great performance son. Go and give your mum and dad a phone call. They'll be so proud of you. You can use the phone in my office".
The lad goes into the boss's office and rings his mum:
Boy: "Mum, I've just had the best debut; I scored a hat-trick! You don't sound very happy though; why are you crying? Is everything okay?"
Mum: "No, son, today has been the worst yet. Your dad has been shot, they've raped your sister, and the house has been burnt to the ground."
Boy: "God, mum, that's terrible; I'm so sorry"
Mum: "So you should be. It was your idea for all of us to move to Manchester!" |
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Mullin
Joined: 16 Aug 2004
Posts: 20062
Location: Ivybridge
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| he he!! :laughing5: |
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Jon1983uk
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 4423
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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lol That's the Moss Side part of Manchester :D
I've got lots of scouse jokes (being a macn it seems to be necessary to hate Lvverpudlians :)) but most aren't repeatable. :lol: |
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reddevilleanne
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
Posts: 13228
Location: Nottingham
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Jon1983uk wrote:
lol That's the Moss Side part of Manchester :D
I've got lots of scouse jokes (being a macn it seems to be necessary to hate Lvverpudlians :)) but most aren't repeatable. :lol:
aww plz tell em me!!
cant you pm em? |
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Jon1983uk
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 4423
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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Bloody hell, was my typing really that bad before? Just noticed aload of typos! :lol:
Well I get most of 'em from my bro's Red Issue mini-mag. Most of 'em are cartoon sketches or things you may not get unless you have the mag in front of you, but I'm sure there's a few I can dig out. :) I'll ask him to drag 'em out next time I see him for ya :D
Though I remember a cartoon sketch in the last one involving Wayne Rooney's affair with a prossie a few weeks back, with him saying the geriatric was considered fit in Liverpool. :D |
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Mullin
Joined: 16 Aug 2004
Posts: 20062
Location: Ivybridge
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 8:34 am Post subject: |
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| Post them then you numpty!! :D |
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Jon1983uk
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 4423
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Y'argh! I'll have to dig 'em out :D You may wanna set up barricades outside the forum for anyone from Leeds or Liverpool though :? |
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reddevilleanne
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
Posts: 13228
Location: Nottingham
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 2:37 pm Post subject: |
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Jon1983uk wrote:
Y'argh! I'll have to dig 'em out :D You may wanna set up barricades outside the forum for anyone from Leeds or Liverpool though :?
haha i cant stand liverpudlians :roll: |
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Jon1983uk
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 4423
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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My word, a non Mancunian that doesn't like Liverpudlians :)
I don't mind them myself, but most Mancs tend to despise them. |
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reddevilleanne
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
Posts: 13228
Location: Nottingham
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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Jon1983uk wrote:
My word, a non Mancunian that doesn't like Liverpudlians :)
I don't mind them myself, but most Mancs tend to despise them.
i just cant STAND their accent!! |
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Jon1983uk
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 4423
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| Tell a Friend Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Hehe, I must admit I hate it when Liverpoudlians say 'la!' :lol: |
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