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| Tell a Friend Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 5:25 pm Post subject: Love and Marriage |
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> My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring
> > > the
> > > > > other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a
> > > good
> > > > > mood
> > > > > it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*ckin' red
> > > mark
> > > > > on his forehead.
> > > > > Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond !!!!
> > > > >
> > > > > The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into
> > > bed,
> > > > > when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache".
> > > "Perfect," her
> > > > > husband said. " I was just in the bathroom powdering my d*ck with
> > > > > aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to
> > > you!!!
> > > > >
> > > > > A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed
> > > away. At
> > > > > the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket
> > > out when
> > > > > they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear
> > > a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is
> > > Actually alive.
> > > > > She lived for ten more years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony
> > > is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the
> > > pall bearers
> > > > > are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the
> > > husband cries out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""
> > > > >
> > > > > A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she
> > > climbs up
> > > > > on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring
> > > you for
> > > > > Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action
> > > Man."
> > > > > Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought
> > > Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with
> > > Action Man,
> > > > > she fakes it with Ken."
> > > > >
> > > > > Subject: Marriage
> > > > >
> > > > > Secrets to a Happy Marriage
> > > > > 1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
> > > > > 2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
> > > > > 3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s*x.
> > > > >
> > > > > and MOST important....
> > > > > 4. It is important that these three women never meet
> > > > > ___________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > Most married couples mainly argue about two things, s*x and money.
> > > > > So agree the price before you start.
> > > > >
> > > > > ___________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her
> > > body
> > > > > hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor.
> > > "Show me."
> > > > > She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
> > > She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
> > > Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
> > > > > The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
> > > > > The girl says "No, I'm really a blonde".
> > > > > "I thought so," the doctor says. "You have a broken finger."
> > > > >
> > > > > __________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend
> > > when he's pulled over by the Police.
> > > > > The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you been
> > > drinking Sir?"
> > > > > "Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?"
> > > > > "No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly.
> > > > > It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me
> > > suspicious"
> > > > > ___________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back
> > > toshow off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather
> > > > > perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
> > > > > "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
> > > > > "Why, that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied.
> > > > > "How does it work?", asked the guest.
> > > > > "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering
> > > > >blow with an unpadded hammer.
> > > > > Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
> > > > > "For f**ks sake, it's twenty to two in the f*c*ing morning!"
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