Random Chapter

janejade · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 78 Location: Northants UK

Hey Guys,
Just posting a random chapter from a tale I've been working on. It's based on a gay relationship - or a longing for a gay relationship (no, not me!). Just to set the scene, Sam has wants to be with John but has screwed up big time. Frankie is a close friend to them both. Neither know that Sam is gay. Please let me know what you think and be gentle with me?!

Sam

You won’t give me a chance. Every time I open my mouth to say something you either ignore me, talk over me or tell me to shut up. I can’t believe you are being so deliberately cruel to me. You’re never like that to anyone, until now anyway.

This just reinforces just how much I have upset you, just how far away I’ve pushed you. How the hell am I going to get back on ‘good terms’ with you if you won’t even talk to me?

Even Frankie can’t believe how rude you’re being and tries to intercede on my behalf. Hmm, that’s a good word, ‘intercede’, not a word I would usually use. Some of Frankie’s posh education must be rubbing off on to me, a pity his level headedness hasn’t, then I wouldn’t be in this mess.

I’m brought back to the present with a thump as I hear you telling Frankie all about this morning, all about what our life has been like, what a hell I’ve made your life recently. I can’t look Frankie in the face because I know you’re right.

Frankie leaves and you still won’t talk to me, even when I try to explain how I’ve tried to make things a bit easier for you by doing some of the chores. The old John would have smiled and joked about the time it must have taken me. You tell me to shut up, won’t even listen to me.

As I try again, you walk towards the front door, stopping when you realise my car is missing. Just one more thing for you to hate, I can’t remember where my car is, where I parked it yesterday. I probably shouldn’t have been driving in the first place; I’d been drinking since I got out of bed. Completely ignoring me, you slam the door and I’m left alone.

For the second time today I can’t hold the tears back as I sit on the stairs looking at the closed door and picturing the expression on your face as you had walked away. I am beginning to wonder if I can do this, if I can win back your friendship.

Scrubbing the back of my hand across my face and sniffing loudly, I walk into the front room and pick up the mugs, carrying them into the kitchen and tipping the untouched coffee down the sink. I rinse them and leave them on the draining board. Now what do I do? I can’t think what to do next. The house is too quiet, too empty and I miss hearing you playing your guitar, miss hearing you singing along as you try out new ideas.

With out even realising I’m doing it I cross to the fridge, take out a can of beer and open it. I raise it to my mouth and am just about to drink it when there’s a thud in the hall as the post arrives. Oh god, I don’t believe it. I haven’t even made it through the first morning since I decided to change, and I have a beer in my hand. If you were here now what would you say? I know exactly what you would say, that I was a waste of space, a total f*** up. The thing that hurts the most is knowing you would be right.

I empty the beer down the sink and chuck the empty can into the dustbin, then go and grab a can of coke instead. I can’t believe I could slip back into the role of ‘old Sam’ so easily. No wonder you don’t take any notice of the things I do or say to try and make things up to you. You think you’ve seen it all before, and you have. But this is a different me. I’m scared John, can’t you see that? I’m scared because I’ve slipped so far down I don’t know if I’m strong enough to pull myself back up, don’t know if you would be there for me even if I did.

I walk into the hall and pick up the mountain of post. I expect a lot of it will be for you, as usual. I don’t know what you do with your post; you always sort through it and just leave mine on the side in the kitchen. I guess I should do the same. Going back into the kitchen I divide the post. One for you one for me; one for you, another for you. I am near the bottom of the stack now when I come across an official looking envelope addressed to me.

I open it and find it’s a parking ticket along with a bill for towing and storage of my car. Well, I guess that answers the question of the missing car. It’s been impounded. I have to get this sorted out before you get back. But I don’t think I can drive, my hands are shaking and I am probably still over the limit. How can I sort this if I can’t go and get the car?

I could ring Frankie perhaps? But even though he tried to stick up for me at first, he walked away when you told him about this morning. If I called him it would just confirm what he must be thinking, that you are right about me.

You think you know me, John. You think you know who I am. No one knows me; no one wants to know me, not anymore.

I look around the room and feel panic, real can’t breathe, heart-stopping panic. I have to get out of here and I run up the stairs to my room, slamming the door behind me as if I am being chased by demons. I am being chased by demons, but the demons are of my own making and they stand between where I am now, and where I should be – with you.

Mullin · Joined: 16 Aug 2004 Posts: 20062 Location: Ivybridge

That is so good! You have a real talent there hun! :D

janejade · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 78 Location: Northants UK

Mullin wrote: That is so good! You have a real talent there hun! :D
**blushes**

Thanks Amy.

Take care
Yvonne

Mullin · Joined: 16 Aug 2004 Posts: 20062 Location: Ivybridge

Well you have mate! I wish I could write like that! But I have the concentration span of a nat!

Jon1983uk · Joined: 12 Oct 2004 Posts: 4423

Surely not Amy! :o :D

Great stuff here Yvonne! You should make a few poem books and stories y'know! :)

Macs34 · Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 3467 Location: Kenya

If I am mistaken, then let me be - janejade, this is a brilliant piece en like jon says, you surely be putting this together en publish them as a book or something. Earn from this gal, live on this, its a talent you shouldnt let go. :wav:

Macs

janejade · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 78 Location: Northants UK

Thanks for all your kind feedback

Does it say something about me that I write best about angst & sad things

**looks in side head to analyse brain, can't find one, would panic if she had enough sense to**

May post one or two more bits & peices as & when I get time.

Loved the idea of the "Story Game" even if it did keep getting steered towards smut land (my second home by the way)

Take care
Yvonne

Mullin · Joined: 16 Aug 2004 Posts: 20062 Location: Ivybridge

Yeah there was me trying to keep it all dark and interesting and you come along and fill it with smut... ha ha just kidding chick! :D

Macs34 · Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 3467 Location: Kenya

janejade wrote: Thanks for all your kind feedback

Does it say something about me that I write best about angst & sad things

**looks in side head to analyse brain, can't find one, would panic if she had enough sense to**

May post one or two more bits & peices as & when I get time.

Loved the idea of the "Story Game" even if it did keep getting steered towards smut land (my second home by the way)

Take care
Yvonne

NO it doesnt. I also write better on something in ma heart if am down. Writng can be a reflection of our thoughts(fiction) or a recollection of some events gone (true stories). It does relly say anything about our charecter or personality. In most cases, if one is writing about him/herself, they will tend to portrail themselves as heroes en heroines.

In writing world, (if about ourselves) we are only trying to putdown our tears, relieving our chest's burdens en at the end feeling better that we have shared our world with others. No therapy is better than this for some of us.

Keep it cool, write en let pepo appreciate or throw at yo disgusts - It shows your point has gone accross. (Yo have created a world!!!). Isint it wonderful?!!!

Macs.